Yesterday morning as I drove into work, I felt euphoric. I couldn't wait to tell my colleagues I was leaving and I was bursting with excitement and hope.
Today, when my line manager came in, I felt nervous. I don't even know why. It was that horrible butterflies feeling you get when you're steeling yourself for a conversation about something you don't want to talk about.
Now I'm home, I'm just angry. Angry that my line manager simply placed an envelope on my desk without so much as a word. Angry that the powers that be are already carving up my job and working out how to share out my responsibilities amongst the rest of the employees, without consulting me. Pissed off that I've got three more weeks before it's over.
Sigh.
In other news, I've seen something I want. It's a foodie double-decker bus trip, travelling around vineyards and local producers, trying different local food and ales for a day. I know I should resist because I'm giving up work blah blah blah and it's £55, but it's just the sort of thing I love. Maybe I could buy it for myself as a leaving present.
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Sunday, 26 August 2012
The first day of the rest of my life...
On Friday, I posted my resignation letter.
Never before have I left a job without knowing what was going to happen next. It feels like a giant step off a cliff into the unknown. I've not been happy at work for at least a year, and gradually I realised that I was going to have to take a risk if I wanted that to change.
So I ummed and ahhed and worried about what would happen and whether we'd be able to manage financially and whether giving up my job in the midst of a recession was insanity and whether I'm too old for a career-change and whether college and university would be too difficult anyway and what would we do about childcare and would the whole family suffer and wasn't that a bit selfish and maybe I should just carry on because it would make life easier for everyone.
And I talked to Carlos and he said just do it, and I went to a careers day and thought about it some more. One day I imagined what it would be like to leave my job and go to study something I found really interesting and I felt that surge of joy you get when something is just right. And I knew that I had to do it, and however great the financial cost it couldn't be as bad as sticking out a job I was bored with, just so we could afford to go on holiday every year.
I am still terrified but it's really happening now. On Tuesday I am going to tell my colleagues, and then I'll only have nine more days in the office before the next chapter of my life begins. Exciting times...
Never before have I left a job without knowing what was going to happen next. It feels like a giant step off a cliff into the unknown. I've not been happy at work for at least a year, and gradually I realised that I was going to have to take a risk if I wanted that to change.
So I ummed and ahhed and worried about what would happen and whether we'd be able to manage financially and whether giving up my job in the midst of a recession was insanity and whether I'm too old for a career-change and whether college and university would be too difficult anyway and what would we do about childcare and would the whole family suffer and wasn't that a bit selfish and maybe I should just carry on because it would make life easier for everyone.
And I talked to Carlos and he said just do it, and I went to a careers day and thought about it some more. One day I imagined what it would be like to leave my job and go to study something I found really interesting and I felt that surge of joy you get when something is just right. And I knew that I had to do it, and however great the financial cost it couldn't be as bad as sticking out a job I was bored with, just so we could afford to go on holiday every year.
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