What a rollercoaster year it has been!
Back in November, when I posted this, I genuinely thought I might have to do the whole course again. I could not forsee an outcome where I mastered the subjects, passed the exams, and got into university. It seemed completely unthinkable.
Back in March, when I posted this, I felt utterly desolate about equilibria. I thought I would never understand it, I certainly thought I would never pass an exam on it and it represented everything that I have ever been unable to achieve. It was beyond me and I knew I was just rubbish at chemistry and I would never, ever be able to get my head around it.
On Tuesday, I did have to take an exam on equilibria. I got my result back today.
I got 93%!!!!!
I also got 97% on the biology exam that I took on Wednesday, and a Distinction for my case study. I think I only have two exams and a chemistry assignment outstanding.
My goal at this point is to get 100% distinctions for the entire course. I don't need them; I just wanted to prove to myself once and for all that I am not rubbish, I can do this.
And now? I have three months off. I walked to the train station in blazing sunshine and caught the last ever train home from college. I sat in my garden with a beer and reflected on all that I've achieved.
The key is to take it one step at a time. It does not matter how hard (or impossible) it seems. Read around the simplest part of the subject, go over it and over it until you understand it, then move on to the next bit. It doesn't matter if you have to go back to GCSE level. Amber helped me at one point with rearranging equations - she is 11 and she understood it better than I did!
Write things out on cards, make yourself posters and stick them on the walls, answer practice questions. In times of desperation, seek out people who can help you and force yourself on them. Do not let them palm you off. If they are your friends or family, they are honour bound to help you. If they are your teachers, they are paid to. And if all that fails, eat beans on toast for a week and pay for a tutor. It's worth it because you have waited all your life for this opportunity. Do not even think about wasting it.
Going back to the very beginning, I had no idea how this was going to work out. I'm so glad now that I was brave enough. Nobody had ever told me that if you're terrified of doing something, you should just DO IT and hope for the best and somehow, it'll all work out in the end. I promise xxx
