Sad and disappointed

Hello friends,

I promised myself that I wasn't going to use this blog for moaning, but I need to write this down because otherwise I might forget.

I had my interview at my preferred university today and I've got a bad, bad feeling about it.

All was well until the interview itself. The other students seemed nice, I enjoyed the tour and the presentation, the maths & English test was OK.  I made a mistake on the maths - then later on when I asked Amber, she got it right - arggh.  But that wasn't really the problem.

The interview itself was conducted by just one individual.  She didn't write anything down.  She didn't ask me any of my prepared questions.  I talked too much, blabbering nervously, saying more than she wanted to hear.  I could see on her face that I needed to stop talking but I couldn't.  At one point, I blurted desperately, "I really really want to do this subject!" and she said curtly, "I can see that".

She asked me what I'd been doing on my Access course and I mentioned a bunch of things but totally failed to mention Biochemistry (which I've done twice), probably the most important topic for dietetics.  Then she threw me a bone by asking if we'd done essential amino acids and I said, "No, not really," and started droning on about it when I could've just said, "Yes, we've covered those".  Ugh.

I talked too fast (a great failing of mine when I'm nervous) and tried to crowbar in all my experience, when I probably should've just slowed down and answered the actual questions.  I just didn't feel any sort of connection with the interviewer.  I think she thought I was a bit overenthusiastic, a bit full-on, maybe not serious and studious enough.

To be honest, I'm completely sure that I'm going to be rejected.

I messed it up.

This university was my first choice.   What happens if I don't get in anywhere else?  I've already been rejected from one of my other choices as well.  I may end up with no offers at this rate.  I can't bear it.  What would I tell everyone?  I'm so shit that nowhere wanted me despite my shiny trail of distinctions? Academically I was fantastic but my personality let me down?

I've been googling 'how to cope with disappointment' and 'what happens if you get rejected from university' since I got home.

This is not the happy ending I wanted.

Gutted doesn't even begin to cover it :(