Yesterday, I had a very important university interview.
Today, I cannot sleep and have been up since 4 am. Coincidence? I think not.
Although I already have an offer from my 'preferred' university, the interview I had yesterday was for 'the best' university. In my usual strange way, I was sure they wouldn't want me, so I'd convinced myself that I didn't want to go there anyway.
Then they offered me an interview. I allowed a tiny chink of light in: "Well... I might as well go and have a look, even though I'll almost certainly be going to my preferred university anyway".
Obviously the place was amazing. The course was superior, the lecturers were superior, the research was superior. It would be a fantastic place to study. But....
a) I might not be offered a place (they have just 20)
b) It's in London
c) I'm scared of living in London
d) I don't know if I can afford to live in London
e) It would make life more complicated for my family
f) I'm worried I might find it hard to keep up with the academic pressure
Then again, you only get one shot.... Turning it down because I'm scared of living in London? Please. The course is full of 18 year olds who've moved halfway across the country. I need to grow a pair.
Carlos and Amber will support me whatever I decide, and why would I settle for second best?
As for the academic pressure, as I've repeatedly tried to convince myself on this blog, I AM good enough and I CAN do it.
I know I should just try to put it to the back of my mind and wait and see if they offer me a place. If they don't, I think I'll be almost relieved, because then I can go to 'preferred' university with impunity. But the interview went disturbingly quite well. So I am turning it over and over in my mind, hoping that it will fall into place and everything will become clear. Hmm.
oh of course it will fall into place, whatever happens - IT WILL! there is no use trying to get yourself to not worry - or sleep even! because this is you and this is how you deal with things. So, just roll with it and it will come good. As you say, your wonderful family will always be there to support you 100% so that is totally cool and living in London... well, it's nearly Liverpool!? so it could be a wonderful experience! and we could all come for days out and stuff!!!!!!! big hugs.. email shortly xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks m'dear. I do know this, but it's so hard to do. I've checked my email a ridiculous number of times today. It could be a wonderful experience, or then again maybe it's not to be... I just need to take a deep breath and try not to think about it :D
ReplyDeleteP.S. Please can you confirm that unicornio has arrived safely? x