On Tuesday it snowed and I was ill.
On Wednesday I didn't go to college because I was in London having my interview.
On Thursday, I walked Dogbreath in the fields under a stunning blue sky, whilst leftover snow crunched beneath my feet.
On Friday, I cried at college because I could not understand chemical equilibrium.
On Saturday, I cried because Carlos would not help me with chemical equilibrium. Then I cried some more because he explained that the reason he couldn't help me was because it reminded him of the period in his life when his mother was dying.
Today, I went to church. Sometimes it helps me when I am struggling. Today I sat in the back pew and cried about chemical equilibrium. Then later, I cried as I stirred risotto, mainly because I'm still struggling with chemical equilibrium. I can't even put into words what it is that I don't understand. I just can't manage to conceptualise it, and it has become this huge behemoth representing everything I don't understand, and if I don't manage to conquer it, it symbolises failing at everything I have ever wanted. And I know over-dramatising doesn't help, yet still I am gnashing my teeth and watching video after video and reading book after book, and still it just isn't sinking in.
I wonder if one day I will ever get any better at this?
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